Sunday, 28 July 2013

Been too long...

So it's been nearly a full month since I posted anything here... this is definitely a bad thing.  So here I am at 3 in the morning having just finished reading my book, not tired enough to sleep, writing.

So what's happened in the past month (jesus, it's already been that long since I started)... mainly a lot of moving of goal posts.  Several times now I've been given something to do, done it to what I thought was a pretty good standard and taken a fair bit of time and then the person who's supervising me has said that actually that's not the way I should have done it or that he's told me to do the wrong thing.  This is immensely frustrating, understandably, and really disheartening; having to throw away a couple of day's worth of good work through no fault of my own.  It's certainly not making me any happier with the day job, although that's definitely getting better as time goes on; I'm being given much more interesting work to do so I think I'm finally being trusted to do things that aren't just boilerplate maintenance jobs.  There is a part of me that still feels that if I'd gone to do the other placement I was offered in Canterbury that I'd be doing more interesting work by now but obviously I have no idea if I'm right about that or not and even if it is accurate to say that it doesn't make any difference now.

The social side of life here isn't making me entirely happy either.  I'm getting on with people well enough and I've got a few people I could tentatively call friends but the people I actually socialise with are all old-current ITs who are leaving soon.  I have no idea what I'm going to do for people to talk to when they're gone... it's not that I dislike the other people, I just don't feel like we have anything much in common.  Very few of the people who are here are 'my kind of people'; they're not in to the same things as me generally, and of course us all being new to each other they don't get me either.  I'm not trying to pretend I'm some kind of complicated person who you need to know for ages to really 'get' or that people have to be in to the same things to get along... but it's not the same as the people I know back in Canterbury; those are my kind of people.

My house mates are much the same kind; maybe two of them are people who I could really see getting along with but the others... we're just too different.  They say and do things that fundamentally rub me the wrong way.  It's not their fault and they're not bad people, we we just conflict too much to really get along right now.  I spend the vast majority of my spare time in my room at the minute because being alone is preferable.

I'm really trying to get better about being here and most of the time it seems to be working... but in my quiet moments, when I'm not keeping myself busy enough I still wonder if coming here was the right choice.  Friday, right around the time when I found out that 2 days work was wasted was a big one of those moments.

Ah well, I'm heading back to Canterbury for a couple of days next weekend, that will be a lot of fun!

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